Since school started I have had no desire to write on my blog, I seem to always return here when I feel like crap. Heh. Venting corner. German sucks. I'm stuck at 189 and feel depressed about working out. I think about the only thing I accomplished this year was learning German and I'm not even that great at it. Still haven't finished the house and we've been here for almost a year and a half. Redonkulous!! It's basically just like nick-nacks and plants and crap. I'm starting to hate I.C. and wondering if I should just be single. It's so hard recently. It's like the only person in his mind is himself. Sometimes I wonder if he even really wants to be together....in other news, at E.'s school I'm having to make friends with other moms, so awkward! They're all over the age of 40. I think if anyone ever asks me how old I am I will just say I'm a very young looking 34 year old hahahaha. New Korean Drama is out, The H.'s , pretty legit. It has Lee M. Ho and PSH!! My two favorite actors! Pretty much the only thing I look forward to nowadays...I have no idea what to do with my life...Germany sucks and I just want to get out of here...!!

Enjoying the summer. Being a bum. Got an ellyptical. Got a new camera. Sara A. came to visit for a few days that was pretty fun, she made tons of yummy food. We went out to the castle, the windmill, to restaurant all super fun stuff. I had a huge birthday party which was pretty cool except for the end of it. Now I am totally broke and have to think of fun things to do with zero cash for the next two weeks hahahah. Starting German class on the 22nd I hope. Been watching through the rest of Grey's Anatomy, the amount of incestuous dating on that show is unbelievable. There's no point in getting attached to any one pairing besides for Derek and Meredith, they seem to be the only couple that sticks. Christina Yang's face bothers me for some unknown reason. Elaina's supposed to start Kindergarten next month maybe, that will be good for her. Trying to potty train her again she has been throwing big fits, ugh. Thinking of starting something with my cooking, just don't know what yet.

So if there's anything I've discovered over the last two months is that I don't mix well with others. I'm wondering why it is that I don't have any of my old friends or family that are as excited to talk to me as I am to them. Maybe I'm just a bitch, who knows...I don't get it. Maybe it's because I assumed we were close when we weren't really that close in the first place? I am a Cancer, after all. It's weird for me to make new friends here, whole new ball game. Pretty much half of my relationships that I think about I end up cringing. I just used to be so much more blunt and carefree when I was younger. I guess maybe life has made me bitter. Or Facebook really, because that is just the end of all friendships, I think those are where friendships go to die. It's like, so , what have you been up to? And then there's facebook statuses and pictures pretty much every other day. So it's like, why bother chatting with them. Maybe I just need to stop repressing all of my thoughts and just yell at people more. Usually when I end up doing that it makes it worse, so I don't know which one is the lesser of two evils. Probably the more mature thing to do is to just ignore someone and move on. I wish I could be as cool as Ivan. He just talks to everyone and everyone likes him, and I'm just a mean bitch that no one likes so I'm overweight and watch television most of the time to ignore reality. Meh, not so cool. There's so many things I've wanted to do, like be a writer, or a singer, I guess I still can, I just need to figure out who I am now, because I'm stuck in this past reality of myself which is "bold and brazen" , that's not really me anymore...I need to get my groove and figure out who I am. Then I think friends will follow. As of right now, I just don't mix well with others...

Today is Easter Friday, and since I'm not totally religious anymore it's more of just a free day. Ivanovitch is asleep so is Elaina. Her room is basically done, just have to pick up the closet on Saturday or Tuesday. I'll post some pictures later on. I also FINALLY opened her savings account so we should start putting money in there. My knee is still messed up and I don't know why, and I don't want to go to the hospital either. Hopefully time should make it better, or maybe I just need to exercise more. Either way, I am signing up for the gym and that's that. Not much of else going on, laters, chuzz!

Sitting here on a Saturday, I feel incredibly tired, being sick is totally draining me of all energy and happiness. It doesn't feel like a life threatening disease but I've been sick for so long it's making me angry. I've decided to devote all of my money and time to E.'s happiness, because she deserves it. She is so beautiful and such a fighter. I'm gonna start with re-modeling her room this month, and enrolling her in a couple of classes so she can make little kinder friends. Haha. I feel totally spaced out. I think I just need to give up on creativity this month, I'm just tired. I will do better next month. The end. Fin.

I'm feeling so conflicted about life. There are so many artistic ideas I have, none of which make money or involve a future for me of any kind. Maybe I should just be happy with this freedom I've been given? It's like a cycle I don't know how to fix. Ivanovitch is annoyed he is the only one making money, but I don't speak any German, so it's pretty impossible for me to make money, I don't know what to do, I am so annoyed...he doesn't want me to go to school either so it's like Uuurgh. Life is so complicated. Even if E. wasn't here, I still really wouldn't be able to do anything. Maybe I should just be satisfied with the way things are?? I still have a cough so the music part of my life is pretty much going down the drain, and we're pretty broke from vacation so no new recipes to try. I need more culinary equipment, I need more musical equipment, I need more house stuff all of which involves money. I think I should just take a really long nap, from all my frustration. Mainly the amount of people that have screwed me over in the past year. I hope they will get some kind of karmic retrubition. Ugh. Goodnight.

So we're back from Paris, I'm feeling a little heftier from all the pastries. Yikes! I need to start doing cardio again but I'm feeling totally hung over as we were going out the whole time we were there AND we had the flu. Gay. I also lost two of my hunger games books that was exciting....not. Looks like I'll have to order them again cus my friend is being a weirdo about sending them over. Fun times. We went to Disneyland, Eiffel Tower, the works, but I'm still complaining about how i was sick. Haha. I guess that's just me. I got a haircut this morning that looks pretty amazing, even though I messed my hair up a little last night. Anyway not much else to say...bye!!!

Bonjour, konnichiwa, etc. So I got my Panda Hat yay! It doesn't look exactly like Enrique but who cares. It is soooo comfy. Oh and Ivanovitch has finally started training me his workouts are so intense that I am sore for days. He will really be a great fitness trainer when he is done studying. He has been on a recent boubt of the poor me's and it's really bothering me like why cry over spilt milk. Great I wasn't able to do anything I really wanted in the past couple of years, but whatever, I have the rest of my life ahead of me so plenty of time to make up for it. Meh, don't want to write about it anymore. Been really lazy with a lot of my goals recently , I guess mainly because I have been so focused on our vacation to Paris. Looks like I am just going alone ....again. I had all these plans, guess it won't be so exciting anymore. Anyway gots to go. Chus -Nats

It's Saturday, it's snowing, and I'm listening to Fall Out boy. I kind of forgot about the blog once Ivan got paid cus I was out doing tons of fun stuff! We got a bunch of bedroom furniture from IKEA I finally ordered my Panda hat went to SUBWAY, etc etc. Oh yeah we had the football party, it was okay...It's been snowing on and off. Haven't had any time to film my music video yet, and I'm getting fat because I've been lazy with my diet. I'm thinking of going on a juice diet for the next two weeks, it would probably be really expensive but my friend C. just invited me to Paris and I want to look amazing. :D E. is learning how to talk a bazillion times more. Only half started on my goals, do not want to quit!! I WILL make music videos and record songs and learn German! :D And write my book. Just need to remind myself, pretty much like everything in life. Dishes are piling up in my kitchen as well as garbage, I wish life would slow down a little so I could have time for everything...Ivanovitch is always busy with work and business phone calls and Elaina, so no time for fun stuff. I doubt he will want to do the music video tomorrow. It would be cool though. I could sit down and be lazy but as if I've seen the past few days all that happens is the dishes pile up and the garbage piles up and the house looks gross. LE SIGH! Well I have to go have a bazillion things to do. Tschuzzz~ Nats

Creepy Panda Flower Boy

So yesterday watching Vampire Diaries again, have to say Damon is pretty pathetic and I just realized half of his storylines don't make any sense. But he sure is pretty! Ahahaha. It's still freezing and boring. Wanted to buy a Panda Hat but my BIL ordered two and now I just feel creeped out with pandas. Way to ruin something cute. le sigh. Hopefully Ivanovtich gets paid tomorrow or I will kill myself from boredom. Supposed to have a party next Sunday hopefully it's awesome and not such a fail. I want to start filming one of my videos but I haven't died my hair yet. Whoops I literally just said died....wow! Ok buh bye!!

Bored bored bored

This has to be the most boring week in history. Snow freezingnrss combined with no money or social interaction might as well kill myself. I'm even bored of watching movies!! No new good television no pay day today gah !! Ok rant over chuzzz.

It's been a pretty uneventful couple of days, been in bed with cramps, no fun! Yesterday was kind of exciting I guess... I finally got my panda IPhone cover and then we had some Hungarian food and watched the Hobbit. I am so ADD I think I straight up missed half of what was going on. That movie needs subtitles! Oh yeah and this morning I got to watch Flower Boy Next Door!! I love it! It's so awesome and the characters are so cute. Ivanovitch has his day off today so we are just chilling. Nothing much else to say....here's a picture of my Panda cover & Flower Boy Next Door :D

And here's a random photo of my new dream room. Chuzzz! -Nats

I am so excited! So much progress today! So I started writing a new song it's in drop D it is half-way finished and it is actually in a good key where I sound good. Googled how to edit with my Toshiba Camileo and discovered that I can actually edit it on my Dell Laptop, so I don't need to buy a new computer, yay! My Internet also finally got fixed so I am typing from my computer finally, so excited. Also got Rosetta Stone for German and a bunch of other languages. I also worked out a few times this week got my cardio in today. I think I finally decided which color I want my hair to be finally I guess I will have to see how it actually looks on me. In theory I think it will look good. I want to dye it light blonde and put pink streaks in. Then I'll be a real punk rocker girl haha! Now just need to find some actual models for my music video, so far no takers. Looks like I might have to pay someone after all. Toodles! --Nats

Winter

So I built a snowman today with Elaina to no avail the snow was totally not aticky bu we made a minature snowman hahaha. Roads were packed with snow, the traffic was super slow. Ivan took 40 minutes to get home from town on the bus today. Started up a few music video concepts just got to find some actors for my first one. Everyone is sound asleep. I find myself happy when I am alone. Ivan's relatives have really been irritating me. It's like almost every aingle one down to the cousins are weirdoes. What the heck is wrong with them. Well at least one good thing came out: Ivan! Love him! It's sad when you feel uncomfortable in your own house. Some people are just rude. Ugh. I hid my food today. Can you believe it?! I just need to be alloone. Ha ok vent over I'm sure everyone hates their in laws. On a brighter note Elaina is learning to talk a lot more hopefully soon she can formulate sentences and actually pronounce them properly lol. Well goodnight blogger universe. I am pooped! -Nats

Konnichiwa!

Hallo, bonjour, hi etc. I finally figured I needed a place to vent or write or post where my grandma won't like every post and be like OMG what are you talking about. So, January. Looking pretty cold and bleak, pretty much broke? from the Christmas season. I have so many random career ideas this month I don't even know where to start. Culinary student? Translator? Fitness baddie? Musician? World traveler?(Not too sure about the last one) Or maybe I can be a break out star and write an awesome book that people will make movies out of. Hmmm.....maybe not. My Fanfiction was pretty popular though among 12 year old girls. Either way I need to stick to something or else I am just a spaced out 20 year old girl. Or maybe I can pull a Rosie Emerson and do all of them, woohoo!! (Hope she never gets around to reading that, lol.)Or maybe I can just be an angry rapper from the amount of sleep I've been getting. I don't get myself I wake up two hours early. Lately I have screaming matches with Ivanovitch over random inconsequential things like cooking or which TV show we're watching. Speaking of screaming, my neighbors are screaming obscenely loud. (I have Turkish neighbors.) WHAT do they do down there?? Either they are professional wrestlers or they have some highly pyschopathic abusive tendecies. Well, ta'ta for now got to get to my eight different career options. Here is a sexy picture of Ian Somerhalder.

--Nats