Since school started I have had no desire to write on my blog, I seem to always return here when I feel like crap. Heh. Venting corner. German sucks. I'm stuck at 189 and feel depressed about working out. I think about the only thing I accomplished this year was learning German and I'm not even that great at it. Still haven't finished the house and we've been here for almost a year and a half. Redonkulous!! It's basically just like nick-nacks and plants and crap. I'm starting to hate I.C. and wondering if I should just be single. It's so hard recently. It's like the only person in his mind is himself. Sometimes I wonder if he even really wants to be together....in other news, at E.'s school I'm having to make friends with other moms, so awkward! They're all over the age of 40. I think if anyone ever asks me how old I am I will just say I'm a very young looking 34 year old hahahaha. New Korean Drama is out, The H.'s , pretty legit. It has Lee M. Ho and PSH!! My two favorite actors! Pretty much the only thing I look forward to nowadays...I have no idea what to do with my life...Germany sucks and I just want to get out of here...!!

Enjoying the summer. Being a bum. Got an ellyptical. Got a new camera. Sara A. came to visit for a few days that was pretty fun, she made tons of yummy food. We went out to the castle, the windmill, to restaurant all super fun stuff. I had a huge birthday party which was pretty cool except for the end of it. Now I am totally broke and have to think of fun things to do with zero cash for the next two weeks hahahah. Starting German class on the 22nd I hope. Been watching through the rest of Grey's Anatomy, the amount of incestuous dating on that show is unbelievable. There's no point in getting attached to any one pairing besides for Derek and Meredith, they seem to be the only couple that sticks. Christina Yang's face bothers me for some unknown reason. Elaina's supposed to start Kindergarten next month maybe, that will be good for her. Trying to potty train her again she has been throwing big fits, ugh. Thinking of starting something with my cooking, just don't know what yet.

So if there's anything I've discovered over the last two months is that I don't mix well with others. I'm wondering why it is that I don't have any of my old friends or family that are as excited to talk to me as I am to them. Maybe I'm just a bitch, who knows...I don't get it. Maybe it's because I assumed we were close when we weren't really that close in the first place? I am a Cancer, after all. It's weird for me to make new friends here, whole new ball game. Pretty much half of my relationships that I think about I end up cringing. I just used to be so much more blunt and carefree when I was younger. I guess maybe life has made me bitter. Or Facebook really, because that is just the end of all friendships, I think those are where friendships go to die. It's like, so , what have you been up to? And then there's facebook statuses and pictures pretty much every other day. So it's like, why bother chatting with them. Maybe I just need to stop repressing all of my thoughts and just yell at people more. Usually when I end up doing that it makes it worse, so I don't know which one is the lesser of two evils. Probably the more mature thing to do is to just ignore someone and move on. I wish I could be as cool as Ivan. He just talks to everyone and everyone likes him, and I'm just a mean bitch that no one likes so I'm overweight and watch television most of the time to ignore reality. Meh, not so cool. There's so many things I've wanted to do, like be a writer, or a singer, I guess I still can, I just need to figure out who I am now, because I'm stuck in this past reality of myself which is "bold and brazen" , that's not really me anymore...I need to get my groove and figure out who I am. Then I think friends will follow. As of right now, I just don't mix well with others...

Today is Easter Friday, and since I'm not totally religious anymore it's more of just a free day. Ivanovitch is asleep so is Elaina. Her room is basically done, just have to pick up the closet on Saturday or Tuesday. I'll post some pictures later on. I also FINALLY opened her savings account so we should start putting money in there. My knee is still messed up and I don't know why, and I don't want to go to the hospital either. Hopefully time should make it better, or maybe I just need to exercise more. Either way, I am signing up for the gym and that's that. Not much of else going on, laters, chuzz!

Sitting here on a Saturday, I feel incredibly tired, being sick is totally draining me of all energy and happiness. It doesn't feel like a life threatening disease but I've been sick for so long it's making me angry. I've decided to devote all of my money and time to E.'s happiness, because she deserves it. She is so beautiful and such a fighter. I'm gonna start with re-modeling her room this month, and enrolling her in a couple of classes so she can make little kinder friends. Haha. I feel totally spaced out. I think I just need to give up on creativity this month, I'm just tired. I will do better next month. The end. Fin.

I'm feeling so conflicted about life. There are so many artistic ideas I have, none of which make money or involve a future for me of any kind. Maybe I should just be happy with this freedom I've been given? It's like a cycle I don't know how to fix. Ivanovitch is annoyed he is the only one making money, but I don't speak any German, so it's pretty impossible for me to make money, I don't know what to do, I am so annoyed...he doesn't want me to go to school either so it's like Uuurgh. Life is so complicated. Even if E. wasn't here, I still really wouldn't be able to do anything. Maybe I should just be satisfied with the way things are?? I still have a cough so the music part of my life is pretty much going down the drain, and we're pretty broke from vacation so no new recipes to try. I need more culinary equipment, I need more musical equipment, I need more house stuff all of which involves money. I think I should just take a really long nap, from all my frustration. Mainly the amount of people that have screwed me over in the past year. I hope they will get some kind of karmic retrubition. Ugh. Goodnight.

So we're back from Paris, I'm feeling a little heftier from all the pastries. Yikes! I need to start doing cardio again but I'm feeling totally hung over as we were going out the whole time we were there AND we had the flu. Gay. I also lost two of my hunger games books that was exciting....not. Looks like I'll have to order them again cus my friend is being a weirdo about sending them over. Fun times. We went to Disneyland, Eiffel Tower, the works, but I'm still complaining about how i was sick. Haha. I guess that's just me. I got a haircut this morning that looks pretty amazing, even though I messed my hair up a little last night. Anyway not much else to say...bye!!!