I'm feeling so conflicted about life. There are so many artistic ideas I have, none of which make money or involve a future for me of any kind. Maybe I should just be happy with this freedom I've been given? It's like a cycle I don't know how to fix. Ivanovitch is annoyed he is the only one making money, but I don't speak any German, so it's pretty impossible for me to make money, I don't know what to do, I am so annoyed...he doesn't want me to go to school either so it's like Uuurgh. Life is so complicated. Even if E. wasn't here, I still really wouldn't be able to do anything. Maybe I should just be satisfied with the way things are?? I still have a cough so the music part of my life is pretty much going down the drain, and we're pretty broke from vacation so no new recipes to try. I need more culinary equipment, I need more musical equipment, I need more house stuff all of which involves money. I think I should just take a really long nap, from all my frustration. Mainly the amount of people that have screwed me over in the past year. I hope they will get some kind of karmic retrubition. Ugh. Goodnight.